Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Can I color on your dick again?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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