i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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