Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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