wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
