You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
