I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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