It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
