I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
zippers are such a cool invention
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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