my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
