My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
What drink are we having for lunch?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
