hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
