and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
