I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
where are my eyebrows?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
