she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize