Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
