I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
