awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
