we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
