Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
