The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
