There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Randomize
