Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
