I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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