i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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