this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
