My nipple is on Facebook.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
