Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize