Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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