susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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