Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
