I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
