Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
