Midget sex pt 2 tonight
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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