Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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