Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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