worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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