next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
