seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize