Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
