Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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