I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
