The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
