But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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