Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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