if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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