Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
