hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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