my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
