Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
