He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My feet surprised me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
