Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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