You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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