I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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