so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
