Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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