She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize