My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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