Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"

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(805): View more from California

My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.

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(425): View more from Washington

Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.

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(407): View more from Florida

We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."

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(815): View more from Illinois

I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages

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(520): View more from Arizona

Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.

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(602): View more from Arizona

You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.

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