going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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