1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
