i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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