God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
