I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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