***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
