Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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