If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
