Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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