So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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