Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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