but the lizard people decide everything anyway
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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